For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,

some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.

Then life would begin.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

~ Alfred D. Souza

YES, we are living life, our lives.  In how much of our lives are we reacting to the obstacles?  In how much of our lives are we choosing and creating our own path forward?

In my view, our life writ large is an experiment. Or, at least choosing to see it as such, gives us more freedom to actually stop experimenting in one area or another and to start a new experiment.  We can feel more control, as we are the experimenter with this life we have and not the victim of it.

There is no dearth of models around to give us inspiration.

I was inspired by an extreme example on a recent YouTube video someone emailed to me. An Australian, Nick Vujicic, a young man in his 20s or 30s born without arms or legs, delights in speaking to teenagers, and by his very own presence, demonstrates that a) we can do anything, and b) what most of us get “bent” about is really small potatoes.

Are you unhappy?  Are you sad about the trajectory of your life?  Have you reached a point that it is time to reevaluate and think afresh?   What would give you more joy?  How can you bring more meaningful activities into your life?  How can you develop more “human beingness?”

And, are you willing to take time for  the whole process of engaging with these questions as your next “experiment” in life?

I love experimenting through life and encourage more of you to do so.  On the one hand , it gives me a way to “hold” any failure or the less-than-hoped-for result that may occur.  I can say, “I tried something out and while it may not have worked so well, I learned….”  On the other hand, it allows me the ease to keep moving forward in life and trying stuff. There is not such a big risk when you are less invested in perfection, and more curious about learning.

It’s a conscious thing with me.  When I’m faced with a new project about which I have some trepidation, like putting a first newsletter out  to a new mailing list and feeling vulnerable with my thinking and with my organically shifting intentions, I’m aware it takes a little courage. I don’t want to look like a fool.  Soooo,  I find myself sitting at my desk having a brief  “courage conversation” and talking myself into it. The bottom line of the little dialogue usually ends up like this:  “It is an experiment after all, and as long as I am honest about the process, I’ll learn what it needs to be on the next iteration. Whatever happens is OK.”

When I think about it, that’s the mind set that enabled me to write 3 books–all experiments.  It enabled me to go to Greece and Brazil, despite limited mobility.  Thankfully all experiments which succeed beyond my expectations.

Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom. ~ Phyllis Theroux

It was seeing this quote that reminded me of my own philosophy and prompted me to pen some thoughts on the topic.   Experimenting is my gift to myself…and very possibly to others.

Consider this:  Perhaps,  getting out there, no matter what it takes to persuade you to do so, is not only your path to wisdom, but your gift to the world.

What do you think?

This is a potent time of year.  Some things are ending. Some things are beginning. I write to suggest that you take time to look both ways.

Like the Roman God Janus who sits stonily at the gate looking forward and backward,  I’ve never been one to enjoy the partying/carousing aspects of the New Year celebrations. I seem to want to hibernate with my thoughts, and maybe a few close friends.  We look back, and look forward, and I try to allow each annual transition to be a conscious one.  It is my belief that being conscious of how we use this time and space greatly influences the quality of our life  journey forward.

• How can you honor what’s ending, or the things that could be ending faster if you allowed them to?  What do you regret and how can you let that go?    I regret not being clear about the role diet plays in my health, and I allow 2012 to be a new beginning.
• For what are you grateful in 2011 and how will you acknowledge that gratitude?  I am totally grateful for all those partners who, as a team,  contribute to my healing.  2011 has been a year of putting the right team together and reclaiming my energy.
• How can you bring the clarity of your intentions to influence the trajectory of 2012?  Yesterday, I started something new, by sending out my very first newsletter. Thanks to my friend Lynn, who helped me.

When I pushed “send” to the first group, I dare to admit my surprise at the feelings of fear and vulnerability  I experienced.   (And for those of my community who haven’t received your own copy, it will be coming.)   Bottom line, my intentions for 2012 are to be useful to those women 50 and over, the healthy high performers who are sorting out what’s next for their lives, and who seek clarity for themselves.

The stated intentions of this clarity coach now reside in public space.  I’m committed.  Deeply committed.  And that, at least for the moment, was a little scary.

It’s a potent time of year.  Be present.  Be conscious.  Look both ways.

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language

and next year’s words await another voice.”

T.S.Eliot

A book title in the library caught my attention.   The 5-Minute Florist.  Not because I am a florist.  Neither am I a gardner nor an aficionado of arranging flowers.

Actually my first thought was, “Oh no!!  Not another way to do more with less, to condense all of pleasurable elements of life, or even the tedious elements, into the shortest amount of time possible.”

And then my mind jumped from 5 minutes as a theoretical “solution” to life in a time starved world, to a 5-minute–plenty of time opportunity–to give and receive.

After all, what we do have in our lives is the present moment.  In those moments we could take time to…..

• sit and deeply breathe
• smile and say hello
• hug a tree, and a friend
• wipe a counter and sweep the floor
• bend and stretch and touch our toes
• shed a tear
• admire the sunset
• hum a tune

Yes! Five minutes is plenty of time to bring a little order, a little joy, and a little peace to one’s surroundings.

Five minutes is also time enough for those not certain about what they love, to just notice what delights them.

What’s your favorite five- minute nourishment?  Post a comment and let me know.

I got a surprise today.  An email that warmed my heart.  A number of months ago, I met a man at a library program on the poet Emily Dickinson. After the program, he and I chatted.  He had been writing poetry as an avocation since he was 12.  A knowledgable afficionado of Dickinson, he shared with me his dream to represent some of her well loved poems in haiku form.

Those of you who  know me by now, know that I get excited when someone tells me their dream.  Particularly one which they have been harboring for a long while–– and hesitating to act on.   At that point, I get all over the person and the project.   In 10 minutes I give more genuine encouragement than perhaps most people want.  But, in this case, the rest is history.

After learning about my own poetry publishing process, he apparently was moved to go for it. He dove into putting his deeply held dream into manifestation mode.  Emily Haiku! will be published in December 2011 and I’ll add the link as soon as I get it.

I would have totally forgotten about this exchange had he not “taken the time” to share his gratitude for the inspiration, and more importantly, to share his excitement about his artistry forthcoming.  With his message of genuine thanks, he reminded me that “yes, that’s who I am most time– an encourager who believes in you more than you believe in yourself.”

Everett, you made my day.

You also prompted me to frame two questions:

1.  How can I really receive heartfelt thanks from others, and see them as illuminating my particular core gifts in the world?    (The context of that question has to do with the so many folks  I meet who are looking for ways to identify their gifts so they can do more of what they love.)

2.  Whom have I neglected to thank for an act of spontaneous assistance or inspiration?

This is the week in the United States that we have an annual tradition. In this week, Thursday is named Thanks-Giving-Day.   Sometimes I fear that it has actually gotten co-opted into Turkey Eating Day or Preparation to Shop Tomorrow Day, or has a become just a convenient Day Off when we tend to eat too much.  But today, I’ll put aside some of my disappointments about the world at large and  choose to take time to sit with my gratefulness.

Paraphrasing from Robert Quillen:  If we take time to count ALL our assets, including the small things we may take for granted, we’ll always show a profit.

Today and all days I give thanks for the life I have.  I give thanks for the fact that I can choose much of what this life will be for me, no matter what arrives.  That’s a big thing.  I am also thankful that my housemate retrieved the laundry from the basement today so I didn’t have to hobble down to make the trip. That’s a small thing, but it mattered.  Did I appropriately thank her?

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.                     ~Estonian Proverb

May you take time to give thanks for what’s right and good and pleasurable around you–the great and the small.

May you also take time to give thanks for the down times from which our lessons and growth come.  Five years after my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, I was able to recognize that event as a gift which changed me in some good ways.  I guess it is never too early to take the risk to feel grateful, even if, at the moment, you have no clue as to why.

Our real blessings often appear to us in the shapes of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures. ~ Joseph Addison

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. ~Garth Brooks

Today is an auspicious day. 11/11/11.  The “ones” apparently have some esoteric significance. At least that’s what I learned from a friend’s email describing how the grid of the earth would be shifting today, and that new light would be entering to cleanse and to heal.  I don’t have to believe any of it,  I can entertain the possibility that certain moments of the day, week, year, millennium are when certain energies can converge––energies we may neither feel nor understand.    If that is so, I want to take advantage of it.  I want to be available to whatever healing energies might be around, for whatever reason.

And so I took the time to receive.  To imagine light entering my body and healing my cells. To imagine that I am clear on my purpose and that I welcome any help at all to make me more capable of living it.

As this day ends, I feel the need to report.  There was an unexpected cleansing and clearing.  I felt an urgency to revise my approach to my practice .  I rewrote portions of the home page to reflect my new clarity about working with the women among us approaching elderhood who may be weary of daily “career” responsibilities and wondering how to either make sense of, or create, what’s next.  Yes, something clicked for me on this day. That it happened today may or may not be significant.  But I’ll honor my feeling that a new clarity did present itself and see where it leads me.

And so, I pose this question for you:  How easily do you open yourself up and surrender to, the possibilities of mysteries you may not understand?   Welcoming new ideas offers a way to  ”play” and experiment.  If nothing else, it’s a great excuse to take some contemplative time for yourself.

You heard me!  Take time for rage and all the other human emotions wanting to be expressed. Wildly, loudly, shamelessly, and with the right people in the right space.  It’s good for your health and well being.

I am a very positive person.  I have a good attitude. This does not mean that there is no space in my life for my rage or for yours.  Rage is appropriate and often necessary, when a life has been interrupted by divorce, death,  illness and betrayal or for some other reason unidentifiable by you in the moment. .

I am reminded of my feelings after having been diagnosed with an illness that changed the life I planned for myself and forced me to create anew. Ultimately that was a gift.  But initially I was angry at having been betrayed by life. Those feelings had to be felt and honored as legitimate. This memory surfaced yesterday after meeting a woman, recounting the time of her new diagnosis,  reported having been “chastised” in a cancer support group meeting for expressing her rage.  So wrong!  It was a double betrayal worth a double dose of rage.

There must be a place for rage.  There must be support for rage.  There must be time for rage.  Asking that person, vulnerable with a new diagnosis, to sweep her feelings under the rug of false  positivity is not the kind of “support” this person needed at that moment.

I see the normal emotions we usually keep well hidden surfacing with more regularity in our neighbors and fellow citizens. Currently I, among many, am feeling betrayed. I feel powerless, at least temporarily, in the face of  my new awareness of long standing and harmful government and corporate policies, the consequences of which are now not only visible but very hurtful to our own health and to our planet.

While this will not be an essay on any of those things which have hurt us in the past and which hurt us now, each of us could make a long list of those things.   This is simply a reminder and a permission to take time to go crazy with rage for whatever you’ve lost, or whatever hurts.  It’s another of those human issues to which we neglect to give our time and attention.

Rage is allowed. It’s necessary.  Seek appropriate support from those who understand there is a time for everything human.  Let your feelings fly.  No need to apologize. And when you are ready––when the clarity residing under the surface of such emotions reveals itself––  figure out what to do next.

On Saturday, October 30, 2011 the lights went out. Yes, it was that Northeaster which blacked out my entire town of 17,000 and every surrounding community in Western Massachusetts. And blanketed the area with broken tree limbs and fallen wires. My home was dark for 5 days.   I write this on the 6th day, knowing that a small percentage of the population are still waiting for relief.

With the lights went the heat, the computer, the stove, the refrigerators, the TV and the phone.  I was bemused by my reaction.  I went with the flow.  Didn’t get bent. Piled on the jackets during the day, and the blankets at night. Got out the flashlights and the candles.  Got acquainted with my emergency-only cell phone. Accomplished my errands in the malls which seem to have back up generators. My housemate cranked up the outside grill for two evening meals highlighted by canned soup.  Temporarily, I lowered my standards for nutritional intake. Visited a friend with a warm home (generator protected) and a welcoming freezer for my frozen food.

The fact that I happened to enjoy my cold self,  reading my library books in the evening by flashlight, with no need to be at the beck and call of my email spewing computer, was my clue.  HELLO!  I actually needed a “time out” for a “nothing break”, and I was being forced into it.

Yet once again, I noticed that how I manage my habitual routines, even what I call my “good-shoulds,” can easily keep me driven—although much less so than in earlier years.  In this darkness,  I arrived at a place, once again, where I could feel how my needs for time to think, putter purposelessly, create, had been inadvertantly ignored. Message received. Yet one more time.

Taking time out for myself to do nothing is not my forte.  It never has been. And I’m getting better at it.  But the surprise at truly enjoying the pace of a no power existence, showed me that I have some room to move along the taking time for myself continuum.

So the message was received.  What next?  Will I simply wait for another forced time out from Mother Nature during this winter’s blizzard season?  Will I go into “forced marches” of my own design to try to bend the trajectory of my habitual ways?  Will I simply set my intention to notice myself in action and make some daily new choices for mini-time outs?  How will I choose to get better at flipping the “off switch” for myself?

Now that the lights are ON,

how will I remember the gifts of the darkness?

How do the mothers and fathers whose last child has left for college face this new emptiness? What do they do with this newly available time?   How do  they replace the emotional benefits of being on-site Moms and Dads with alternative sources of nourishment for themselves?

Yes, there’s more time for you!  But how to face the void?  How to stay conscious…and creative?

A loss that is deeply felt…ultimately…makes space for new activities and new meaningful roles in the world.  How do we get from “here” to “there?”  How do we enable ourselves to receive the seemingly “unwelcome” gifts which inevitably land on our doorsteps as we age, of which this is but one?

The dilemma is not unlike those who are facing retirement and not sure what they will do when they have no place to go each  day.  It’s not  unlike those whose job circumstances have changed unexpectedly and they find themselves with time on their hands and despair in their hearts.  It’s definitely time FOR a change.  But what is the process for finding solace, accommodating a change, and creating anew?

First, the process has a name….it’s called conscious transitioning. The characteristics are easily recognized once you start facing the inevitable confusion that ensues whether the new significant event has been planned for, welcomed, or is unexpected or unwelcome.

Second, the process takes it’s own time. Moving from “here” to “there” is easier and faster if Read the rest of this entry »